Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
