He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
