I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
