dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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