dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
