Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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