I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
