It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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