dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
