thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
