a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
