I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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