2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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