What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
