dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
