The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
