It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
