just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
