WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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