That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
