i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
