i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
