you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
