i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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