My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
