you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
