i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize