My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
