I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
