a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
