i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize