i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
