he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
