The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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