Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
