so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
