I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
