you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
