It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
