This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
