Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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