Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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