the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
