so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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