she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
