i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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