So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
