u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
