We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
