Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
