Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
