Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
