i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
