i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize