I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
