apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
