I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
