Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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