I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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