do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
