Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
