my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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