Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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