member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
