I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
